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Sunday, April 03, 2005
LOVER'S SPAT
This time, it's not about him calling me a fat ass, nor it's about another trivial matter about him stepping on my toes...
It's RELIGION.
Yes, you've heard of stories of the Christian Husband goes to church while his Buddhist wife stays home and prays at her alter. But this kinda mix never happens in the Islam world. Never.
I'm no devout Christian, Buddhist or whatever else. The religion stated on my report book last time was Taoism, but I never considered myself anything. So I guess I'm a freethinker. Being in a Methodist school for 6 years doesn't have much of an effect on me. I listen, I respect, but I never be a part of it.
I'm at an age whereby I have to carefully consider my decisions in a r/s because if I waste any more time, nobody is going to wait for me. In a mixed r/s, you will always go round and round and be back quarrelling at the differences that cannot be resolved. Now I'm faced with the question: IF YOU DON DO THIS, YOU CAN NEVER BE WITH ME?!!!
I mentioned that I went to this mixed wedding where I felt that maybe things could work out between us. Now I think of that girl, did she really convert because she loved the religion or because she loved the man. Then the marriage isn't that pure already isn't it? Everything isn't perfect anymore.
Why oh why was I presented with an eligible bachelor who is smart, successful(to a certain extent), witty, charming(in his own way), generous, consistent in r/s and ever so respectful to everyone...so hard to be with?
I thought I could, but I realise I'm just deluding myself.
Even Charlotte in Sex and the City converted to a Jew for her husband and insisted on doing everything Jew. Elizabeth Taylor could do that too.
But I don't know if I can.
Would you be prepared to give up your beliefs so that you can be with the man you love? Is it fair that you do the sacrifice and choose love over realism and the other party can have both?
Pardon me, I'm just being sad and whiny. Perhaps the only way to stop this, is to not be in one of these in the first place.
I'm digging my own grave.
He asked me if I would choose him or choose pork.
I thought for quite a moment. And I answered the latter. Haiz what have I done.
commented:
My friend is Catholic, his gf of 7 or 8 years is Malay. They broke up and patched back several times, and now, it's still like that. On and off again. He is never converting (cos his Mum is staunch Catholic who fought cancer last year and he will never traumatise her) and the understanding among us is that he's with her for sex and companionship. SHe can't marry a non-Muslim either.
Not saying that there's a whole lot of similarity to your case, plus I am a 100% Freethinker. My opinion: if one doesn't wish to lose the other, one is willing to do anything, even convert to something one doesn't really believe in just to keep the other person. Is this love? Yes. But if the other person loves you just as much, why does he place his religion above his love for you? Unless loving someone does not include RESPECT FOR HER FREEDOM OF CHOICE.
Forceful conversion only serves the interests of the power of the religion, their objective is to increase their adherents. I hope whatever your choice in life gives you more happiness than pain.
All the best,
Someone Who Cares.
Evelyn commented:
Thanks for your advice. Though abit wordy...hehe.
Anyways, I know what you mean. I think different have different circumstances to consider. He did mention that he went for church talks, and other religious talks, but he still remains true to his own religion because he believes in it.
mr.udders commented:
hey,
don't convert. if you are doing it just for him then neither are you being true to the religion, but worse - you are not being true to yourself.
if you are like me and are ready to remain single just so long as you remain true to what you believe in, then don't be afraid to give him up if you have to.
ultimately, if it's meant to be, you wouldn't have to be forced to make a choice like this.